Friday, October 7, 2005

I'm adjusting

Since I last wrote, I have really started to adjust a lot.  My anxiety level has come down.  I see the road ahead of me is going to be long, but I know that with God's help I can deal with it.

The thing that struck me suddenly was that I was looking at the magnitude of the whole thing.  And it is going to be very serious.  Just to explain a little, and I won't get into a lot, John's hospital stay will most likely be 30 - 90 days, and then a year's recuperation at home. 

The first three to four weeks at the hospital seem rough to me.  I feel bad for John for what he is going to have to go through.  I have been told that he will be so sick (and I will not go into all the details here, I will spare you all the medical ones) that he won't be able to sit up in bed for more than a few minutes, won't be able to concentrate to read, and probably won't even be able to watch television.  There may also be hallucinations that will come because of medication.  That is all I will say about it for now.

In some ways, when he is released to go home, it may be even harder on me according to what I have heard.  Because I will have full care for him.  He will have a chest port in, which I will have to make sure doesn't get infected.  There will be other medical things going on, but again, I will spare you all the details.  I probably have said too much already, lol.

So this is why I was a little anxious.  Actually, I wasn't concerned about myself, I was concerned about him.  But I am just sharing with you all a little of what I am going to go through.  Because you all are who I have to share with.  And I am more than grateful for that.  You will never know. 

You all will never know how grateful I am to have you to share with.  Since John got diagnosed, most of my friends have left me.  And his have left him.  Our families have stayed, but not friends.  I have discussed this with people in the Bone Marrow Marrow Transplant (BMT) chat room (see link under Favorite Sites if you ever want to visit!) and they said friends you have had for years often leave when you or your loved one gets cancer.  It is because they don't know what to say.  Then you pick up new friends.  People who you never thought would be there.  Well, I want to thank you all for being my new friends.  Thank you all for being support.  And most of all thank you for being there for John, and for sending him cards.  It means more to him and to me than I will ever be able to express to you. 

So perhaps you want to know how John is feeling.  Boy I am jumping around from topic to topic.  He hasn't been doing too well lately.  He is sleeping a lot of hours, is always fatigued, is almost always nauseated, and has constant headaches.  I thought with the headaches he was catching something, but I just read an article about an hour ago that headaches are a symptom of MDS.  I didn't know that.  He will have to tell Dr. Claxton on the 20th how bad they are.

Well that is about it for now.  Take care everyone and have a great day.  I will have a good day by taking one step at a time.  All is fine and we can do this.  Krissy :)


  1. Krissy thanks for sharing all this with us.  I am glad you anxiety levels are lower.  It must seem so daunting taken as a whole, the complete picture but, my dear, you can only take one day at a time, that is all any of us can do.  God will be with you every step of the way.  When I got ill I lost all my friends as well.  The only friends I have now are computer ones but God has truly blessed me there.  I feel as though I have so much support and love.  Tell John how much we care and we are all behind him xxxxxxxx

  2. So glad your anxiety level has dropped...The road ahead will be long, but taken one day at a time I am sure you will be able to deal with it.  just know that You and John are in our thoughts and prayers.   John will be given the strength he needs....Ally

  3. So glad your anxiety level has dropped...The road ahead will be long, but taken one day at a time I am sure you will be able to deal with it.  just know that You and John are in our thoughts and prayers.   John will be given the strength he needs....Ally

  4. Look at this as a bend on the road. I have that poem i will make a copy and send your way:)


  5. Sissy, do you think they could give John something for nausea?  I love my phenergan.  You don't have to worry about telling us the medical stuff.  That is what we are here for.  We are an outlet.  This journal is an outlet.  Write what you need to write, love...Hugs and kisses and love to my two favorite people in the whole wide world!!!!!!!!!!xox

  6. Krissy, take it one day at a time. It is going to be a long road ahead, but don't look at the end, look at each step along the way. The Lord will give you the strength you need to make it through today and then tomorrow he will give you the strength for that day and so on. It would be overwhelming to try to comprehend all that will be happening, but breaking it up is more manageable and less anxiety producing. Also, I'm sure there will be people along the way (home health services, etc) that will be able to help you once John comes home from the hospital.

    I'm sorry your families have basically abandoned you. They are not going to be privileged to see a recovery in processs and are going to miss out on seeing the work of the Lord.


  7. Krissy this entry is heart wrenching. Wish I could live next door, then you and John would never be without a friend, to call on, give you some respite and be there as a shoulder. Today is a special day for me - I got your postcard! Thank you, and John. It is lovely. Will prize that card and frame it. Take care my special friend. Love to John.
    Hugs and love,
    Sylvia xx

  8. Krissy, I am so glad we can be here to support you.  I wish I was close by so I could give you both a hug.  You are in my prayers daily.  Love, Penny

  9. ((((( Krissy and John )))))  
    Know that you and John are always in my thoughts my dear.

    "I will have a good day by taking one step at a time.  All is fine and we can do this."

    Those are the words of a strong woman :o)
    Sara   x

  10. The two of you are an inspiration. Please know we are praying for you and loving you. You two carry out God's will wonderfully.
    Peace and love,

  11. You're right, you CAN do this :)  We're all in it together, with you!
    You both have my prayers!

  12. Hey Krissy am really pleased to hear that your Anxiety level has come down.Glad you are thinking positive and able to deal with things.You can now start to feel peoud of yourself that you are coping.

  13. Happy to hear you anxiety is doing better...had you checked into a Viiting nurse or CNA t come in and help wit John when he gets with the ocial worker when he is in..take all the help you can doesnt mean you dont love John if you don't do it all.....You WILL need some free time..for your own sanity and I am sure as much as John loves you he would want you to be able to take a break sometimes...tha i why there is some help out will need help and you need to take care of you too...I will continue to pray....Kaey

  14. John and you can get through this Krissy, you've already jumped the first hurdle, you've got that positive approach, determination.  It's true close friends can go away at this time, it just that they don't know how to handle it but we're here, we'll always be here and always thinking about you both................we're on call whenever you need us, hope you know that.  Take care u two, ((((((hugs for John, and hugs for u ))))) Rache xx

  15. Thanks for being able to tell us what you and John are going through.  You and John will get through this no matter how hard things get . I feel sad for you that your friends have drifted away, but you will make new, maybe better friends along the way.  Take good care Krissy. :-)

    Sandra xxxxx


  16. I can only imagine how you are thinking of every detail right now, down to the ones of John and his recovery and having it all go smoothly.  I am VERY upset...that your friends would leave you or John...IT TOTALLY blows me away as to why anyone would do that to you or him or to anyone...they are so shallow to do that...sorry if I said something out of line.  But it hurts me that they hurt both of you.  Thank goodness for family and you will always have never worry about that.  Oh...please tell John I got his post card...loved it...thank you John from me and hubby...loved the wild the Vet hunts wild turkeys with  a bow...huge bow tooooooooo.  You both take care...and I will be back for more updates soon...
    Hugs to you both...

  17. sorry about this but praying it all gets better.

  18. Sounds like you are really getting a handle on the whole thing. I always find that situations don't seem as bad if I know at least a little what to expect :) Hang in there!

  19. That is alot to think about... And yes it is sad that sometimes that friends come and go. I'm glad that I am here for you and John and to pray that we all get through it together.... Husband is working on our yearly Halloween card, can't wait to send one to John. Husband is an artist and even able to jot out a poem for the card.
    Have a blessed weekend!

  20. Oh, it is sad that old friends leave...b/c we need the friends to help us get through, but yes the truth is we develope new friends, often who have gone thru something similar and can understand.  Perpaps they are gifts directly from God, blessings, and sometimes even angels.
    May God give both of you peace and comfort as you travel together through this journey.  You are lucky to have each other.

  21. It is sad but true that "friends" that have known you for some time will become distant.
    Mostly because they don't know what to say and they feel helpless.
    That's sad but the way it is.

    Hopefully in time they will find their way back to you and John.
    That happens.


  22. Krissy,

    You can share as many details as you want about the medical stuff... this journal is for you  and getting it out, may help you.  If you feel the need to warn, then just say - medical info coming, beware!  

    I am praying for you and John and personally, I have no problem with you sharing more.  I used to work for docs.  It will be tough, but I can see that you have the faith and strength to make it.

    be well,

  23. Being a care giver can be tough.  Please make certain you have support.  Write about your experiences, it does help.  Voice of experience, here.  

    I know it's hard but try not to lose yourself during this time.  Take care of you so you can take care of John.

    Hugs my dear friend,